no excuses. (anymore)
I've spent the last (almost) year of my life making excuses.
I can't cook because my kitchen's too small now.
I can't eat healthy because I can't cook.
I can't lose weight because I can't have my smoothies because my Vitamix was a victim of divorce.
I can't finish writing the book because I'm too busy (and I suck).
I can't save money because I'm single now.
I can't be happy because what if it all falls apart again?
I can't imagine a bright future with my boyfriend because if it didn't work out once, it probably never will.
Well, folks. It's a little exhausting to constantly be battling your own mind. Doubts can be overwhelming and like to set up camp once you entertain them for just a moment.
So today, my excuses are getting evicted.
This weekend, I baked. That's right, I baked two different types of cookies for my boyfriend's birthday - in my impossibly small kitchen. Was it convenient? No. Was it possible? Yup. You know what else I did? I bought a blender. And made a smoothie. Imagine that...
My plate is overfull at the moment, with a busy job, grad school, freelancing, trying to write a novel, not neglecting my family & friends, and a boyfriend who knows all of these doubts swimming around in my head and likes me anyway.
But you know what else?
In two months we're going on vacation. To a beach I've never been to. Do I really want to be spending the whole week covering myself up because I let my doubts and anxiety keep me from the gym, from buying a damn blender, from trying - to do all of these things I know I'm so capable of doing? Do I really want to give you that much more of my life, after everything you've already stolen? You've taken almost a year - you're not getting anything else from me.